thoughts: surrender

I leave for Ethiopia tomorrow. to. mor. row.

how did that happen?

maybe it’s a good thing that it will take 36-hours of travel to get there because I think it will take that much time for my head to catch up with my body.

all week my to-do list has been a mile long. and I ran around like a crazy person, ever so slowly checking things off the list.

yesterday I went to 3 target stores. yes, 3. unlike normal target stores, LA target stores frequently run out of things. doesn’t matter that you can find 3 target stores in a 2 mile radius. there are still too many customers to adequately stock the store. so I went from target to target, procuring travel-size toiletries and last minute necessities.

I picked the checkout line of doom in target number 2. I sent sam a message:

“if I’m not home when you get home, you can find me on the floor in the fetal position, aisle 8, target.”

by the time I walked out of the third target, I didn’t recognize the parking lot. “wait,” I thought. “which target am I at right now? and where did I park my car?”

amazon boxes litter the house. travel gear unpacked and box carelessly tossed aside. it hasn’t looked this bad since we moved in. papers and piles of clothes and snacks and travel gear occupy tabletops and chairs.

but now. none of this really matters. so I surrender.

I surrender to the mess. to the things that aren’t checked off my list. to the other customers and long lines and cashiers. to the items I think I’ll need but I’ll surely be fine without.

I surrender.

in every day life it’s so easy to get caught up in the stuff. the errands, the lists, the frantic pace. but I recognize that I’m going somewhere that doesn’t adhere to this kind of every day life. and I recognize that the stuff is sometimes trivial.

so I surrender.

I’ll be on a plane tomorrow and in Ethiopia on monday whether I have all of my travel-size toiletries or not.

I surrender.