I frequently read a blog called Mothers in Medicine. I’m often intrigued by the question of whether women can “have it all.” the women who contribute to this blog answer that question by sharing their experience of juggling the titles of med student/intern/resident/doctor and mother.
one of these women shared a beautiful story last week. forget 50-50.
The patient I saw yesterday had been married for almost 70 years. Wow! You don’t see that often. Many people don’t even live for 70 years all total. I congratulated them on it and remarked about how wonderful it was, but the conversation quickly turned to their concerns: their kids and grandkids and greatgrandkids (can I still be around them if I am on chemo?) and vacationing in Florida every winter (is is still safe for her to do it?)
At the end of our visit, my last of the day, her husband said, “May I ask you a personal question?” “Sure,” I answered. “Are you married?” “Yes, for 8 years, 3 kids 6, 4, and 2.” They beamed. Then he said, “So, don’t you want to know the secret to staying married for 7 decades?” I thought about that for a moment. Of course I wanted to know. I am in a profession with a high divorce rate. I am married to someone who is active duty military, a group that also has a high divorce rate. I am the child of divorced parents. I hadn’t really given it much thought before, but if I had, I might have felt doomed. So suddenly, the social history felt more like a gem than usual. “ABSOLUTELY! PLEASE!” I replied. He said, “Forget 50-50.”