today I was mistaken for a true, blue californian. in all my pale minnesotan glory, the man trying to sign up voters at the farmers’ market was taken aback when I said, “sorry, I’m not a california resident.” and he said, “well, you sure look like a california girl.”
I vividly remember the first time I was mistaken for a real new yorker. someone asked me for directions on the subway platform. I’d finally mastered the non-tourist swagger. I got the same thrill from this man’s comment. and it’s probably as close to the nyc experience as I’ll get seeing as the metro subway is quite a secret in la.
maybe it’s the blonde thing that fooled him? but I have the real blonde thing going on, not the la bottle blonde. these are minnesota roots, thank you very much. however, I have come up with a short list of things that will make you fit right in with the fake blondes, muscle beach men, yoga junkies, health nuts, and hollywood party animals.
step 1. wear sunglasses. always. inside, outside, day or night. sunny, cloudy, or raining. wear sunglasses. (big ones are particularly effective.)
step 2. in the winter months, regardless of actual temperatures, wear a parka. and snow boots. you never know when the great blizzard of la may hit. it was 70 yesterday, but at the park I encountered many people wearing puffy down jackets and clunky boots. why? because they’re californians. and apparently real californians create their own winter.
step 3. appear unaffected by celebrity sightings. today I saw curtis stone at the farmers’ market. of course, I was dying to walk up to him and say, “can I take you home?!” (if you’ve never seen his show, take home chef, that line would seem very forward.) instead I very cooly walked past him. 4 times.
step 4. your car is your second home. keep it clean, treat it well, and drive it fast.
step 5. BYOB. bring your own bags to the farmers’ market. in fact, bring them everywhere. extra points for you if you fill them with local, organic produce.
step 6. appear unfazed by earthquakes. “oh, it’s just another one of those times…” WHEN THE EARTH MOVES. as you can tell, I have not yet mastered this step.
of course, after playing it cool with my shades on, sans parka, canvas bags in hand, not worrying about earthquakes at the market, I’m sitting here wishing I’d asked for a picture with curtis. you better believe if I’d seen him in mn, I’d have a photo to show for it. and I would have had a good reason to be wearing a parka.